Thursday, December 15, 2016

My Top Three Tips to THRIVE (not just Survive) the Holidays while Looking and Feeling Your BEST


(This is me....just kidding...  Who has time to make snow angels?!?  It's the Holidays for Pete's sake!?!)


How do we survive this holiday season while looking-and more importantly FEELING- our best? If you've read any of my other blogs, you know by now I address not just outward beauty but inner as well. In my opinion if you don't have beauty and peace radiating from the inside out, it doesn't matter what you wear. It's like throwing a new coat of paint on the walls of a house with a crumbling foundation. So in that spirit here are my top tips for surviving the Holiday Season while looking (and feeling) your best:

1. Pay yourself first (daily). I know I have mentioned this before on my Facebook page, but the benefits of paying yourself first are infinite.  As some of you know, I took a two week roadtrip with my family last fall. It sounds romantic and ideal in theory (and for the most part it was HIGHLY enjoyable!!). But let's be real, traveling with 3 kids under the age of 6 and living in a space that's literally 0.05% the amount of space you are used to sharing with your family can kind of begin to wear on you. By week 2 I was feeling the burn-lashing out more at my family, telling my husband I hate RV road trips and that "I'm never doing this again!" It wasn't until we got into a near collision with a semi-truck while I was driving the RV (my mom actually broke her rib in the incident) and I got pulled over (all within 5 mins) that I began to realize just how much my negative attitude was beginning to affect everyone around me. I was just in a negative state that final stretch. When we got home I realized why: I never spent time to recharge Katie's batteries during the trip like: Journaling, praying, working out, listening to powerful affirmations, etc. Instead, I spent all I had on my family. In the end my family and I paid for this crucial mistake. I leaned a valuable lesson: no matter what's going on around me I need to PAY myself first. Investing time in ourselves makes us less resentful, more focused, and more loving to everyone around us. It's like on the airplane pre-flight take-off checklist: put your face mask on first before you even put it on for your children if the plane is going down. The reasoning behind it is if you reach a certain level of air pressure your brain doesn't function the way it normally would and it can no longer perform even the simplest of tasks including putting in air mask on your small children. This analogy is so ironic but so true-if we don't take care of ourselves amidst the craziness of the Holidays, everything and everyone around us (including those we love the most) will suffer. Get up, get moving, go for a walk with your friend, journal with some amazing coffee for 20 minutes, do some pilates, read a book or devotional, anything!





2. Schedule relaxation. Ok who has time to relax during the holidays? There's last minute Christmas shopping to do (puke), presents to wrap (and re-wrap after you kids prematurely open them), parties to attend, groceries to get (ugh), etc etc....we have a never ending laundry list of things we should do. While I'm not going to completely neglect my list (I am a Water after all-lists are my life!), I am going to be be more intentional about it. I know that if I overdo it and neglect rest and relaxation/downtime, things will simply suck. "The best way to protect your health and happiness is to schedule it."-Kris Carr. This is a woman who was diagnosed with a rare and incurable stage IV cancer over a decade ago… So I think she knows a little bit about how to take care of herself. She is leading a healthy balanced life even though her cancer cannot be cured. If she can do it, why can't we? She created a schedule with a daily affirmation and away to plan your relaxation time for yourself every day-because we all know "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
You can find the planner here:
http://kriscarr.com/blog/holiday-stress-management-tips/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=facebook&utm_content=holidayselfcareblog112916

Instead of running myself ragged the week before Christmas (like I do every year) I am intentionally choosing to being in bed every night before 11 PM all of next week, and I even scheduled a massage for myself  next THURS (don't tell my husband-let's say "I am grocery shopping"-because I do that all the time with a family of five). Why not schedule some relaxation time for you this season so that you can actually enjoy the holidays?



3. Lastly: WEAR colors that will enhance you, instead of sucking the life (and color) from you. Here are the colors to wear that will work on EVERYONE (even if you haven't been typed by me!): dark plum, dark teal and your eye color. *Note: I DID NOT SAY BLACK.   Black sucks the life and color from almost everyone-there is a small percentage of folks for whom it works, but it's a small percentage.  These colors (dark plum, dark teal and YOUR eye color) work on EVERYONE!!  Did I mention, everyone?  You must have at least one of these colors already hiding in your closet.  I am willing to bet on it.  



Cheers to an Enjoyable, Christmas Season-it will be what you make it....why not make it great?
-K


  

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Combating the Negatives of Aging in a Youth-OBSESSED culture

Are you embracing aging or are you gearing up for battle?


As most of you know, I have completely eliminated TV from my life (probably one of the BEST decisions I have ever made).  I do still watch the weekend movie with my husband, and last week I really wanted to watch an hour of SNL (so I did) but beyond that and if I watch too many movies or TV my motivation level goes to the ground.  I also noticed another major disadvantage after watching a few too many movies over the long Thanksgiving weekend....I get right back into my habit of comparing myself to others!  UGH!  I have already written a lovely (if I do say so myself) post on combating image comparisons so I am not going to write it again (See post here: Aging sucks but it doesn't have to), however I feel I need to do a little PSA here on how to combat comparisons.  Again, my latest comparison: aging.  A week before Thanksgiving I turned 33.  Nothing too major, not a big milestone.  But it was another year on the calendar.  Now folks I am an image consultant-so image tends to be kind of important to me.  But what I promote to my clients is enhancing your personal beauty NOT comparing yourself to others.  Here I was again comparing myself to other ladies (mostly in movies, so obviously very real-looking with respect to makeup and hair and filters....joke joke) or more recently, younger versions of myself.  I figured if I was doing it (and I KNOW better) there has to be someone else out there doing the same thing.  So here is my attempt to change my perspective on aging (and yours) and be kinder to myself in the process........


1. Think of what you have gained this last year of getting older (not weight-ha!).  I look back at what was going on in my life a year ago and although everything happens in it's own time and as it should, I notice a distinct growth in myself and I am so proud of and happy with that.  I ditched a lot of negative thought patterns, gained a lot of positive ones, gave up TV, became uber clear on my goals, found different effective ways to communicate with those around me, started reading and growing at a rapid rate, and overall became more grateful as a person.  I am now excited to get up in the morning!  I also have three beautiful babies, and I am spending more quality time with them and watching them grow into some pretty cool people.  I have gained so much more but I am not going to bore you with the details.  Long-story short: this year gave me clarity and perspective and some awesome memories with my family and I am happy I gained that.

2.  Don't focus on what you are losing!  Unless you are losing a ton of weight, or negative energy, or terrible things I guess ;) Tony Robbins talks about several different ways people communicate and I am a gainer.  The basic principle is: you are either motivated by inspiration (*hello, that is me!) or desperation.  The sooner you figure it out, the better you can communicate with yourself.  I am a gainer, not a loser.  So the more I focus on what I am gaining by aging, the more graceful and grateful I will age.  The moment I start to spiral into thinking about what I am LOSING (ie. my youthful appearance, years on planet earth, etc) I am for sure in for a terrible ride-and a depressing one at that.  So if you are gainer like me (you need to first figure out what you are), you need to focus on what you are gaining to motivate you....not what you are losing.

3.  Remember: It's all about perspective.  This was the topic in church this morning.  Our pastor was telling the story of how he climbed to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite with his wife a few years back.  He is terrified of heights (much like myself) and gave quite a recounting of his experience and I was literally picturing how scared I would be if I were in his position.  I probably wouldn't have made it to the top-let's be real. His wife on the other hand LOVES heights!  So they both get to the top and he is having a panic attack and wondering how on earth they will get down now and she is peering over the edge with excitement.  Two people, same location, two VERY different reactions......the big difference:  their perspective.  Perspective is mindset to me.  If I want to have a more positive mindset about aging I need to have daily positive self-talk.  This garbage I have been telling myself as of late isn't working for me anymore.  Hint: the garbage gets stronger with the more TV/movies I watch and US weekly's I read.  It doesn't happen often but when I find myself reading the rags or watching certain things the comparisons start and I have a harder time turning them off.  I am sensitive to sugar (too much or certain kinds will send me into a spiral of a sugar binge for days!) and I know what to avoid and how to talk to myself about sugar now.  As time goes on, I am realizing I am very sensitive to the material I am putting into my mind!  Which brings me to my last tip......

4. Repeat the truth (or your truth) several times/day.  Our pastor mentioned this too.  Guess what these can also be called: affirmations.  Now before you think I am just another hippie-dippie (I didn't even tell you about encapsulating my placenta yet), think about this:  we are already using affirmations every day.  Stop and listen to yourself for just one day to realize what kind of affirmations you are saying.  Are you saying "wow, you are fearfully and wonderfully made!" every time you step out of the shower or does it go more like this: "huh, my butt looks saggier than last year, those wrinkles on my forehead appear deeper and no matter how much sleep I get, those darn bags under my eyes never seem to go away!"  My guess is your daily affirmation is the more like the latter-it is for most women so you are in good company.  What if we start plugging in more positive self talk, making those pathways to the brain much stronger and then take a look at how it makes us feel?  Why not try it for a week, a month, a year? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain ;) Use a post-it note on your mirror with your positive affirmation and every time you begin to focus on old-negative thought patterns, stop and focus on the new one.  Your mind cannot focus on BOTH-it needs to choose.  See what a difference it will make.


For more insight in positive affirmations, check out Louise Hay on Youtube.  Most of her stuff I enjoy (I say most because there are a few times she can get a little too hippie dippie, even for me). She actually wrote a book on how you can heal ailments in your life with how you speak to yourself-I have the book and I can vouch it has worked for me on several occasions.

Lastly, UNPLUG from facebook, instagram. twitter, email, messenger, and TV (or at least set a time limit for yourself!) and instead invest in you.  If we want beautiful things to grow within us, we need to put beautiful things in us (ie. reading and listening to good stuff, talking to ourselves in a positive way).

Have an amazing week of aging ;)

-K

Monday, September 12, 2016

How One Simple Thing Can Change Your Life TODAY

Image result for simple disciplines practiced daily jim rohn

In today's cray cray world, it's hard for any of us NOT to feel overwhelmed.  I have three kids:  it's hard for me to put on clothes without someone crying or yelling for me.  So when people suggest things to make my life better, I think: "sure, I will do that!  As soon as I win the time lottery!"-aka: never.  But then I started to ask myself:  "What is no longer serving me, and how can I create more time and space in my life?"  The answer was clear:  cut out T.V.  Now, before I lose all of my readership here, the answer for you may be different. It worked for me, and it has changed the trajectory of my life, permanently.  Let me explain....

T.V. has always been a big presence in my life, it's like a comfort food (and can also conveniently be paired with actual comfort foods).  When I would have a long day, or if I had the dreadful 5 baskets of laundry to fold (I have three kids, remember?), or if I just needed to relaaaaaaaxxxxxx.....T.V. to the rescue!!!  More specifically, Bravo, to the rescue.  Real Housewives, Southern Charm (my fave), and Million Dollar Listing were high on the priority list.  Then, we got HBO for FREE.  Oh boy, this gal was in trouble.  There were obviously consequences:  I'd stay up and I would eat late...but most importantly:  was avoiding things that would truly help me further my career, help my family and help myself.  So quit....cold-turkey......not to say it was easy, but I can try anything for a week.  Here is what I did instead and here is how it can literally change your life, if you decide to take the plunge too:

1) Change your perception of the T.V. (aka: time vaccuum).  That's what my old boss used to call it.  He was an eccentric entrepreneur who built a successful business then sold it for some pretty good change.  He didn't own a T.V.  Look at anyone who is extremely successful and you they probably don't have a clue who the ladies of the Real Housewives are.  

2) Realize and admit: you are wasting valuable time that you could be using to better yourself.  All the greats have a phrase, and it goes something like this:  "While 9-5 and what happens on the job is important, what happens from 5-9, off the job, is infinitely more important."- Zig Ziglar.  Translation:  of course your job is a big deal (and being a stay at home mama is too!), but if you are sitting around watching T.V. at night, you are not working on your passions, interests, hobbies, or things that can make a huge difference to you and the world.  As Tony Robbins likes to say: changing your life in a small way can have massive impact in the long run. This is one small change, but can have very dramatic effects if you stick with it.  

3) Fill your time with ACTUAL things to make your life AWESOME!  What else can you do instead of T.V.? Well for me, I still like to listen to things so I found some great books online (see below) and also some amazing links on Youtube to listen to (and FREE people).  We have so much garbage going into our brains daily (bad news, comparisons from the media, pop culture junk food); so this was a great way for me to off-set and eliminate some of that garbage.  Also, I found myself with WAAAAAAAAAAY more time and energy in the first week I cut out T.V.  I also got really clear on my passions, how I want to impact the world, and steps to do so.....all within 5 evenings.  Had I tried to do this while watching T.V. and with three little kids, it would've taken me years.  I found a short-cut.  I know it made such a difference because after a week I dabbled by watching some HBO with the hubs and I was back to being overwhelmed, no time left to dream, etc.  I still will watch the occasional movie with my husband, but I told him and myself, it will be on a weekend only.  This time to me has become too valuable to waste!!  

Here are some links to different things you can listen to (while scrubbing toilets, folding laundry or just relaxing in your bathtub!): 

Unlimited Power (excellent):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWTJTDhIvf4

Living an Extraordinary Life (and avoid mediocrity):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WDPrDAM2Cc

The Energy Bus:  https://www.amazon.com/Energy-Bus-Rules-Fuel-Positive/dp/B001OAAUNC


Just like I tell my clients after they are typed:  just TRY it!  Try this one simple thing, maybe for a week or maybe for a month.....if you can't give up Housewives, just commit to only watching 1 hour of T.V./ week. Just do something!  Give yourself and the world around you a gift: give up the Time Vacuum :)  

Be your Best-K

  

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Aging sucks (but it doesn't have to)



I turned 31 yesterday. 31. Ew. I still see myself as 25.  Spoiler Alert for anyone not yet 31: Things will be changin' in your bod...most of which you will not like. I actually started crying to my husband (who thought I was upset about my bday gift from him-poor dude).  I was crying because I realized I had spent roughly the past 20 years comparing myself in some way or another and NEVER measuring up physically.  I hadn't remembered a time in my life where I had been completely happy with my weight, my hair, my complexion, etc.  I was being a total hypocrite: my message to all my clients in my workshops is to embrace your differences and to never compare yourself to others yet I spent two decades comparing myself to the numbers on the scale (is it going to be a good day or bad day based on what that little bugger says?), comparing myself to others' profile pics on Facebook or all the fabulous things about their family/marriage/kids/lives, and more recently comparing my aging body to those of celebrities who are clearly using fillers/Botox/plastic surgery to maintain their "youthful" appearance. I've, quite frankly, had enough.  

Out of all the women I love and admire most in my life-none of them are paid supermodels. Surprisingly Giselle & Cindy Crawford didn't even make my top 10 most influential and admired women.  I think the women I most admire and look up to are beautiful not for how expensive their clothing is, their recent Botox injections or what size pants they are......I think they are beautiful for WHO they are:  the challenges they have endured with a positive attitude, how they care for others, and how they are loving moms and friends, etc.  Don't get me wrong-all of these women are beautiful on the outside too-but as we know if the insides don't match with the outsides it definitely takes away from their exterior glamour.  Now that I knew I wanted to stop comparing myself to others (and my younger more youthful self) I needed an action plan.....which is another reason why I'm blogging it:   To hold me accountable and to get it written down. So here goes my action plan for the next year of my life to break free from the vicious comparison cycle all of us women bravely face every day of our lives:

1.  It ain't a beauty pageant.  There will always be someone prettier/skinnier/more glamorous without makeup/younger than you. You are just setting yourself up for failure if you compare.  Instead focus on what You are grateful for: a healthy/able body, the relationships you maintain, how you serve others through cooking, crafting, church activities, your hilarious personality, whatever YOU bring to the world!  


Left:  She looks like she could be a mom at my son's Preschool
Right:  With a ton of makeup-she is beauty pageant ready....but what's really important?

2.  Get some perspective, lady.  Facebook (or fakebook as I've heard some people call it) is where we all post the BEST of ourselves. Then others take that information and judge the WORST of themselves against it.  We need to understand that we can't just pick and choose the BEST parts we want of peoples' lives and disregard the health/relationship/financial troubles these people are also facing. If I were to compare myself to anyone on FB or in the celeb world (let's be real we have all done it at one time or another), I honestly wouldn't want to trade places for a second with them just to fit into a size 0 yoga pant or to have my face look 20 yrs younger (BTW that would make me 11 years old....kind of a funny picture in my head).  The older I get the more I realize EVERYONE has junk.  I have yet to meet anyone who has it all together in every single area of their life or all the time.  Instead for the next year I'm choosing to APPRECIATE the things that make others beautiful-but not compare myself to them.  I read it's akin to appreciating vs. comparing yourself to a beautiful garden in the spring time. Would anyone of us be jealous of the garden's beauty or try to look like the garden? No! That would be just plain stupid! All the plastic surgery in the world can't make you look like a darn garden! But we don't realize that comparing ourselves to others or even younger versions of ourselves is just a dumb.




3. Instead of focusing on the numbers on the scale-I'm going to focus on the numbers of push-ups I can do/how many miles I can run/ or how many reps I can do in Pilates .  For the next year, I'm ditching the numbers on the scale (which is a crazy thought since I currently weigh myself daily) and I'm going to focus on how I "feel" with respect to food and exercise...not how many carbs I have left to eat per day or the ten pounds I am chronically trying to lose.




4.  Lastly, I'm going to dress for ME. I am in the line of work where I work with women to look and feel their best and I've never been one to dress for compliments but instead of focusing on what others' think ("is this good enough?") I'm going to focus on how I feel about it. I have a secret indulgence of watching the REAL HOUSEWIVES series on Bravo (except Atlanta-too much yelling). Anyway in a recent installment there was this lady named Gina from Melbourne who many said dressed like a tranny.  What she wore was never my cup of tea but one day she said something profound: I dress for me, what I like and how I feel in these clothes/makeup....not for others.  From that point on I loved her look-not because I think neon yellow is a great color for anyone-but because she was only doing it for her!


Gina from Real Housewives of Melbourne


So next year at this time-when I'm turning 32-I hope to look back and say this was one of the best gifts to give myself. A year where I chose to fight comparisons-not continue to fight myself :)

In gratitude-
Katie



Finding Your Element owner, Katie, enjoys helping others find and live in their most authentic, powerful self through intimate workshops and personal appointments





Monday, November 25, 2013

Frustrated by Finding my Element!

Sorry to leave you hanging....I promised to originally post last Thursday and I had my oldest's preschool thanksgiving program at his school. Three-year olds dressed in turkey hats singing off-key is by far the sweetest thing ever. Seriously. I wouldn't have believed it until I saw it.

I have been overall delinquent in blogging because, let's face it folks, we are all inundated with a million things to read every day and adding one more thing to the list stinks. So I have been posting tips in the status box of my finding your element page for ppl to quickly peruse (My Facebook Page) But some things take a little longer to go through like today's topic.  I won't lie, finding your element can be extremely exciting....AND extremely overwhelming all at the same time. It's exciting for the fact that it has the potential to make your life super easy, allow you to be fashionable without a high price tag (I love target clearance racks and consignment places ppl!) and enable all of your clothes to coordinate with one another in your closet.  It also has the ability to frustrate you to the point of being paralyzed:(. I've been there. Most of my clients have been there. Most of my futures clients could be there. So what's the solution?  More exposure, more exposure, and, have I mentioned: MORE EXPOSURE?!?!

Other than training with the founder of the elements for six months like I did, how can the average person get more experience therefore making their element easier? Here are three things YOU can do today that won't cost you a thing and will make your element (and life) easier:

Follow me on Pinterest:  most of my clients are already doing this but not all.  Even if the clothes that I pin are not in your size or even style, you can most certainly get benefit from the colors on my element boards: air, water, fire, earth.  You can create your own board on Pinterest and repin some from me and voila! You now have clothes to compare any future online purchases to.  It's simple: my Pinterest will provide you with free shopping but if my tastes don't jive with yours, my Pinterest will at least provide a comparison for items you are considering.  If it's in your element it will go with the rest of the items I have pinned, if not: save your pennies. Here is my Pinterest page!

  "Like" me on Facebook: I provide not just clothing items but tips weekly that pertain to each of the four elements.  I will be addressing makeup and hairstyles for each element I'm the coming weeks.  Here is my Facebook page!

Lastly, reach out to me:  I noticed the people who get the most out of the elements are those who are closest to me.....because they aren't afraid to ask me questions. They send me pics, they text me and they Facebook message me items they want to buy.  It's not hard and it's free.  Snap a pic and send it my way and I will help you out as quickly as possible.  Here is my email!


I hope all of my clients understand that the Elements are what you make them out to be.  It can be all encompassing and life changing....if you allow it to be and are willing to learn more.  Like anything worthwhile, you get back what you put into it.

Be well, live well
K


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

How to Use your Element to Effortlessly Decorate Your Home



This will be my second attempt at writing this blog (at 1am the night before I am supposed to post).....this is what happens when you procrastinate til the last minute and lose internet connection while saving your first draft.  Here goes!  

I used to be intimidated by a lot of things, decorating included.  I would always default to what I call the "tan trap" where my life basically consisted of a lot of neutrals.  Looking back on it, I would venture a guesstimate that I was also living my life in the neutral zone AKA: I wanted to be in charge of everything and the easiest way to be in charge was to play it safe (PS you are never really in charge).  Fast forward a few years and throw in a husband, two small children and voila!  Neutrals won't keep anything under control in my life anymore.  Also, I have realized that playing it safe, is....well.. kind of boring.  I missed out on a ton and galldarnit I still fight the urge to live in the "tan trap" but I am breaking free a little bit each day.  What the Elements have taught me more than anything else is that we are all different and we all need to not only accept that fact but love it (let's all say it together: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself).  Let's also just say one more thing before we get into the material stuff below, it's not at all about the material stuff below. A home is about the people in it, even if it's just you....sitting in your house.....with a cat that you adopted from the animal shelter.  It's about how you make others feel when you bring them into your home.  I used to freak out and need everything spotless and perfect before I would dare have my best friend over.  Now, I realize, they also have laundry that might not get put away every day and here's a hint:  I never notice it when I go to their house.  It's about YOU-not your Martha Stewart stuff you found on Pinterest.  Sounds cliche but it's true.  If I had to choose on spending money on a good Jim Rohn seminar to improve myself or a new velvet sofa (I have always wanted a velvet sofa), I would choose the seminar (and I have done it).  This life will flash by-do you remember how much you paid for that recliner you love so much? Or do you remember how wonderful you felt when you conquered one of your biggest, scariest fears?  On your deathbed, you won't be talking about the autumn in the den-you will be talking about the life you lived and those who were important in it.  So commit to escaping the "tan trap" and take a risk.....starting with that velvet sofa you always wanted....right after the seminar of course :) 

Everyone should have a room dedicated and decorated in their Element (first, I guess, you would need to figure out your Element which is where I come in).  Using your color fan can and your descriptive words can break you out of the "tan trap" and into some pretty colorful living that coordinates.  Effortlessly. As I always tell my clients: once your closet is coordinated in your Element, every pc will practically go with any other pc. The same works when decorating in your Element.    

For an AIR remember your colors (as seen on my AIR Board:  http://www.pinterest.com/KatieStockwell1/air-element/) along with your words of whimsical, unpredictable, uplifting movements.  Some pcs that would work well in an AIR interior could include:  

Cherry Blossom Canvas Print
Cherry Blossom Canvas Print @ Shadesoflight.com

Sebastion Gold Damask Wallpaper
Sebastian Gold Damask Wall Paper @Hautelook.com

WorldMarket.com: Cloud Blue Abigail Loveseat
Cloud Blue Abigail Loveseat @ Worldmarket.com

For WATER's keep in mind not just your colors (as seen on my WATER board:  http://www.pinterest.com/KatieStockwell1/water-element/)  but also downward flowing styles and soft textures....like velvet!

 Cote Sud
I have been looking for this chair ever since I found it on Pinterest.....source unknown

 Paloma Sofa in charcoal @ Arhaus
Paloma Sofa in Charcoal @ Arhaus.com


Create a lazy cloudy day in your bathroom using a shade of slate blue.  This cool yet deep shade looks so sharp with chrome finishes. Try Storm Cloud (6249) by Sherwin Williams.
Storm Cloud (6249) by Sherwin Williams

You can find all of these items and more on my Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/KatieStockwell1/boards/

Next time we tackle the warmth and richness of decorating in the FIRE Element as well as the clean and classic look of the EARTH Element interior.  Until then~be your best!

"You should have a picture of yourself as a kid in your home so that you remember where you came from."Musician John Mayer, September 09


Katie Stockwell-Finding Your Element-
enjoys helping others find and live in their most authentic, powerful self









Friday, September 20, 2013

Three Things Every Man Should Know (pt 3/3)....






Objective:  To show our male counterparts the importance of going beyond suit and tie-with consideration given to color, style, texture-and how it dramatically affects the perception of you to the following….EVERYONE. 

Evidence:  Ambady & Rosenthal (some smarties from Harvard) performed a study and published their findings in the Psychological Bulletin 1992, Vol. III, No. 2, pg 256-274.  In this study, they proved that not only do we make quick decisions with small amounts of data….*drumroll*…we actually make correct classifications (assumptions) nearly 70% of the time.  Let’s break it down to normal-people lingo:  Several really, really smart people have done studies, to prove that we stereotype everyone….ACCURATELY (big deal here, folks)……within 30 seconds of meeting them. Before you consider stepping up onto your soapbox consider this: it’s not shallow, it’s SCIENCE.  The study goes on to say judgments from roughly 30-seconds of observation were as accurate as those at 5-minutes of observation.  So, whether we are going in for an interview, a big client meeting, a date, or a court appearance the first 30-seconds count and it can take YEARS to mitigate the first 30-second impression you left.  YEARS! Just because you’re a dude and you may think “fashion is for girls” know this: your “fashion” is either helping or hindering you and it can take years to recover from anything less than a positive first impression.  Do you have years to work with a new client and make the sale?  Do you have years to give testimony in court? Do you have years to convince Mr. Target Corp VP to hire you?  Do you have years to convince Sally Sue to date you?  Maybe, but I’m betting if you are anything like any of the men I know you would rather your time is better spent elsewhere:  like showing your prospect your skills and abilities.  Your clothing is always communicating something; the question is “what do you want to communicate?”

Here are three things you can do about it NOW:
See my previous blogs for numbers 1 &2

3.  Don’t accept what your Friends wear or what you read in Men’s Health (one time) as your Fashion Bible:  If there is one thing I could scream at the top of my lungs-other than “no black”-it would be to find what works for YOU!!  There will never be another person like you-so why would you accept that what looks good on your friend, Joe, is automatically going to look the same (and as good) on you?  For example, let’s say Joe is extremely lanky and into punk music.  He doesn’t look bad in Skinny Jeans; he even gets a lot of chicks.  Would the same jeans look good on your 30lbs-over-your-weight-from-college frame?  NO!  I know the value of having integrity beats the best looking guy in GQ with no morals and I am by no means saying that wardrobe makes up for a lack of character.  But if studies by smart people are proving that nonverbal cues have more impact than what you say (ie. Non-verbal actions speak louder than world), I would take a page from their Harvard smarty-pants study and dress in a way that accurately reflects the integrity you should have on the inside.  After all, you only have 30 seconds, why not make it count?

Next blog focuses on:  

How to Use your Element to Effortlessly Decorate Your Home  



Katie Stockwell-Finding Your Element, enjoys helping others find and live in their most authentic, powerful self